The bar is set so low for hetero men. Am talking to a guy on a dating app and just because he uses full sentences, replies and hasn’t mentioned his dick, the first thing I thought was OH WOW, what an amazing guy, such an AWESOME human, so KIND, CONSIDERATE etc etc.
— Poorna Bell (@poornabell)
^^ Just found this tweet and it contains three dating essentials for men to heed.
Funny how it really is the smallest things that count the most, especially when it comes to the minefield that is the dating market.
Let’s start from the end and work our way backwards, shall we?
Dick talk / Dick pics
busting out the cock talk too early out the gate is the surest way to get yourself blocked harder than James Woods after his morning bowl of vodka and All Bran.
Sure, you may have taken some type of cheesy speed seduction “courses” put together by some shlub who (very accidentally) got a one-night stand once and now sees himself as a messiah.
Unless you’re laying there next to her, basking in the afterglow, try not to get too verbal about the wonders of your wang.
As for dick pics, instead of telling you the “whys”, let me tell you a little story that illustrates the cringe you do not perceive at the time of hitting the ‘send’ button.
Years ago, in a galaxy far away (they call it Montreal), I was just getting my start in the marketing world and a client asked me to ‘build him a list’.
In marketing speak, that means to capture a bunch of emails belonging to qualified prospects for his dating book.
No problem – I had a plan for this. I hopped on Craigslist (back when they still had the Casual Encounters section) and posted to the NYC area.
Title: “Have you ever wanted to Fuck Susan Sarandon?“
In the post itself, I painted a picture of a French Canadian beauty who was a spitting image of the actress…
…and happened to be coming down to the Big Apple for the weekend.
To say I struck gold was an understatement.
The emails came in like an avalanche.
To see this many responses come in, I couldn’t help but be curious as to what they dudes were doing to woo my Susan.
The vast majority of them were needy; “I emailed you 8 minutes ago, why haven’t you responded yet?”
Some were blunt; “anal?”
But more disturbing than the terrible attempts at game were the dick pics.
They were randomly popping up in the emails.
After getting stepping into my third fall into the pit of digital dongs, my curiosity died and I stopped opening the emails.
To give you a video visual of the viper strike that is the unexpected dick pic:
Let’s move on to the next point, which is to reply.
Dating Essential #2:
Sure, you’re probably aware that being a hasty and excessively prolific conversationalist is frowned upon, but you do need to keep up with a conversation.
Once again, you might have gotten bad advice on how completely dismissing a question makes you charmingly aloof and you therefore come off as a man of intrigue.
Truth be told, it just makes your already dicey odds even tougher.
Dating Essential #3:
Final point, which ties to keeping up with replies, is DO use full sentences.
This is online dating, not grade 7 (check out the bonus round in this post).
Replying to a question with ‘yah‘ or ‘ish‘ doesn’t make you come across as an early Johnny Depp character.
If you need greater insights on how to build your conversation game, talk to Kate Spring or get a part-time sales job (you have no idea how much you’ll learn about the art of communication).
That’s it, three very basic dating essentials – now get to applying them.